I have been getting lots of Postpartum submissions that I am so excited to share with you, from women all over the world! The purpose of this is to have a plethora of stories that we can all read through and relate with ❤ If anyone wants to share their story on this blog, please feel free to email it to me ❤ All submissions will be posted under ‘Mothers By Nature, Warriors By Choice’
so here we go!
Irene-30 years old-India
Hi I’m Irene 30 years old just moved to India with my Husband last year September 2016 while I’m 32 weeks pregnant. I’m from Philippines and my Husband is from India.
I gave birth last year November 2016 to a baby boy we named Ashton Cayle. He just turned 2 months today. My story is not as complicated as it is from the rest but having a newborn is very challenging especially when you’re also adopting in a new place, another country with a very different culture, conservative with a lot of beliefs, we’re they brought up their children in a different way. I don’t have any member of my family to be there with me. Just can’t afford the expenses to bring anyone to India. I have my sister in Law but she can’t help that much because she’s with her 2 kids as well, One 8 yrs old boy and a 14 months old girl.
My Postpartum depression started right after I gave birth to my son via C – Section, like every other new mother the first few weeks were sleepless nights. I felt so depressed about everything that was happening in my life, I was in pain due to the stitches, I could barely move. There was a time that I had to force myself to sit on my bed just to help my son burp after feeding because my husband was still scared to hold him on his first day, and he didn’t know how to help him burp, so I did. On the second day my breast were too full that I really felt the pain, they had lumps in them, even though I was feeding my son so much they were still full. Irritated with all the nurses that asked me how my breast were, most of them helped me empty them by teaching me how to massage, they advised me to put cold compresses and so on. And I did all of it. I spent a lot of time manually pumping because I was scared the lumps would get worse, I was scared that I would have to go get medication. Aside from that I had a serious headache because I didn’t get enough rest; I wasn’t able to sleep at all from the second day on because my son kept on crying at night, I had to call the nurses to change his diaper if he cried even after feed.
On the 3rd day me and my Husband just couldn’t wait to go home, all the nurses, head nurse, lactation consultant and pediatrician were very attentive, they made sure that every 20 to 30 minutes someone came to our room to check up on me, my baby, give my medicine, my food etc. They were doing a great job but it was just too much of asking the same thing over and over again too many people were visiting our room, while all we wanted was just to have a proper sleep. Unfortunately, we had to stay for one more day because my son had jaundice. I didn’t have any clue at all what jaundice was. So I was devastated after learning about it While they told me that there was nothing to worry about. That it’s not something so serious. I asked my Sister in law to help me bring my electric pump so it would be much easier for me. I did pump, first was with a lactation consultant beside me teaching me how to pump correctly, milk was slowly coming out but after a while my right breast was pumping with blood, I was terrified thinking why is there blood coming out of my breast. My breast had a cracked so couldn’t feed my son on my right breast until it healed.
My son stayed in the nursery room, he had to stay in a fluorescent light which they Photo therapy. This helped decrease the jaundice. So for the 3rd day I didn’t see my son much, not until he was hungry, then they brough him over to my room to feed. That night I was not able to sleep even though he was in the nursery room, I was so worried for my son, I started crying, I felt so emotional. I needed someone to talk to, I needed my mom’s care at that time, to tell me that everything is going to be fine. But I couldn’t even call them back home because the signal from my home was so bad that I couldn’t reach them.
On the 4th day everything was rushed, my husband had to go back to work and the results for my son’s jaundice was still not out 2 hours after taking a blood sample from him. After reaching home I thought everything would be better. All I needed was quiet time, a proper rest but that didn’t happen. My SIL (Sister in law) was just so excited that she wanted to spend time with me, see my son and as well as the two of her kids. The next following days felt like a hell for me. I still didn’t get enough sleep even during the day, my SIL children were just too annoying, the younger one is always fussy, always crying, screams and wants to go to my room just to play with the door, I don’t allow them to go inside my room because I always try to let my son sleep but it didn’t help even when my door was closed. I can hear everything from the outside. The 8 yr old boy doesn’t even bother at all he just takes his time watching cartoons, while the mother is busy in whatever it is.
One day I came out from my room and all I see is mess everywhere in my house, wherever I look the floor is wet and dirty, you can find wet clothes too, and the house has a stink smell, and I noticed where the smell came from, it was from all my 3 floor mats, whenever my SIL daughter pee she used the floor mats to wipe it up and I think they weren’t washed for a very long time. It got me more pissed, when I was about to slip and fall because it was not dried up properly and I was carrying my son.
They go out in the evening to play at the playground that was full of sand, they wash their feet the moment they reach home, but their feet were all wet coming out of the washroom and they didn’t bother to clean up the floor, they just let it dry by itself. And my bed was full of sand because sometimes they would go to my bed just to see Ashton. I was irritated and I didn’t know how to react at all. I didn’t know how to tell my SIL because she is family to me. I couldn’t blame the kids, because they are just kids. And I couldn’t blame her either because she was just trying her best to control both of her kids.
I tried my best to understand why all of it was happening, we are staying in a 1 Bedroom flat condominium, my SIL and her kids were sleeping in the living room using our sofa bed, so I couldn’t blame if every noise in the house, like the washing of dishes and cooking and the kids screaming could be heard in my bedroom. And why the house is so messy even if you clean them in the morning? It’s because there are 2 kids in the house, they play, they do whatever they want, they make a mess everywhere spill food or drinks on the floor the younger one pee whenever wherever she wants. What the hell do they care if the house is dirty you can’t blame them because they are just kids. And the reason my SIL came over if it comes to worst I give birth and my husband is at work.
I always share to my husband all my issues everyday but he can’t do anything much too. After all what I told him it seems like he doesn’t care at all, a few times that he comes home early than usual that instead of spending time with me or taking care of our child and sleeping early all he did was to spend more time in the living room chatting with my SIL in their language that I don’t understand, taking all of his time to eat his dinner while I try to put our son to sleep so I can rest too. I would actually appreciate if he offered a help in putting our son to sleep after dinner rather than enjoying all his time and can’t even ask me how my day was.
I felt so alone, no one understands my point of view, I’m the one who has to do all the consideration, how about what I feel? Who was there with me to listen and make me feel better, after all I was the one who needed more caring, I needed more rest knowing that I deliver via C – Section. I was in pain, I spend sleepless nights. It didn’t make me feel good at all staying in my own place, I felt like I was a visitor in my house locked down in my room, can’t go to my own kitchen and living room because I can’t handle the mess. Until one afternoon I broke down when I saw for the 3rd time the toilet bowl was not flashed and you can see poop floating, it was just disgusting. I got mad went back to my room locked the door, they tried to open it and I pretend to be sleeping even though I was not. I cried, a lot. That was it I was tired of everything, I easily get irritated, so sensitive even in small things. Sometimes I hated the kids. I send a message to my Husband telling him I want to go back to my hometown to my Family. Spend time with them. I might feel better about myself. But because it was Festive Season which is Christmas I can’t. Tickets are way too expensive and my son does not have a passport yet to travel so I have to wait for it, I just have to be patient with it and wait until they leave
If any of you ladies would like to submit your journeys, please don’t hesitate !!
Until next time